Investigation launched after Ballysallagh Road bridge isn’t hit by a lorry this morning

An investigation is underway after it emerged that the Ballysallagh Road footbridge wasn’t struck by a lorry this morning.

Stunned commuters approached the bridge to discover it did not have a large, heavy motor vehicle lodged underneath it.

The PSNI said: “Motorists are advised not to avoid the area of the Ballysallagh Road, Bangor due to a lorry not striking the bridge today.”

“Please don’t use an alternative route if possible.”

The old footbridge has been struck by a lorry every morning at approximately 8.20am since 1934 and today’s events have left road users in a state of complete bewilderment.

“This is a bloody disgrace”, moaned disgruntled commuter Alfred Romeo.

“I’ll not have to take an unnecessarily long detour and I’ll probably be on time for work. Heads will roll for this”, he barked out the driver window of this car while zipping through the unblocked underpass.

However, other motorists took extreme measures to ensure that the normal levels of disruption would resume.

“Take that ya ballix ye”, yelled 51-yr-old Maurice Minor while lobbing a grenade at the footbridge before ducking for cover.

But not everyone was disappointed not to have their daily commute completely fucking ruined by the pointless stone structure.

“See instead of continually repairing this bridge and closing the roads off, why not just tear the bastard thing down!?”

“There’s about as much point in that bridge as there is to a porn storyline! It’s only there because Lord Marblemouth wants to walk his cows across it once every leap year! Wise up!”

4 thoughts on “Investigation launched after Ballysallagh Road bridge isn’t hit by a lorry this morning

  1. Hi there, my name is Hannah and I work for the BBC in Belfast. I am writing an online piece on the recent hit of the Ballysallagh bridge (again) and was wondering if we would be able to ask you how this is affecting the local community? Would we be able to use quotes from your piece? Thanks! Hannah


    1. Hi Hannah, thanks for contacting my page. Of course you can use quotes etc but I’m assuming you know this article is a piss-take on recent events and the Dundonald Liberation Army is a satirical news source? Stephen G. Large


  2. I can tell Hannah Gay how it affects the local community. It has them in stitches. It’s comedy gold. The fact that it’s pointless only increases its comedy value.


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