Local man recovering well after dressing gown amputation

A Belfast man is said to be in a stable condition after undergoing an operation to have his dressing gown removed.

The 35-year-old is recovering well in the Specialist House Coat Unit of the Ulster Hospital after the complicated five hour procedure.

Nick Noel was admitted to hospital last night after his dressing gown became fused to his flesh. The garment attached itself to Mr Noel’s body due to the length of time he’d spent inside it over the Christmas holidays.

Speaking from his hospital bed, Mr Noel told us, ‘The surgeon told me there’d be some permanent scarring but he managed to remove around 95% of my house coat’.

‘I just lost track of time. I was sat on the sofa watching Dad’s Army drinking Bucks Fizz for what must’ve been weeks’.

Another man was also admitted to hospital last night when he overdosed on stuffing. Jeremy Paxo, 45, was found face down on the floor in a pile of breadcrumbs and sausage meat by his wife.

She told us, ‘the greedy ballix had his head in that fridge every five minutes. The doctor said his heartburn had heartburn’.

In other news, the Department of Pointless Statistics have revealed that 87% of people still off work think that every day is a Sunday.

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