Multimillionaire philanthropists Bono and Bob Geldof have infected Central Africa with a new super-strain of the Ebola Virus ahead of the re-release of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ into the music charts, it has emerged.
As part of a promotional tour for the single, the sanctimonious pop-duo flew over the Democratic Republic of Congo using one of Bono’s private jets and dropped canisters containing the virus into its major towns and cities.
Now Bono, who’s worth $600m and moved to Holland to avoid paying taxes, is begging the working classes to buy his self-glorifying charity single to help combat the outbreak.
‘This isn’t all about keeping myself relevant as an artist. We want to save the lives we’ve endangered too’, crooned the nauseating dwarf.
‘Get yer feckin money out’, demanded Geldof while fanning himself with a wad of £50 notes in the African heat.
However, many people in the Congo told reporters they’d rather succumb to the effects of the virus than endure the Irish pair.
‘Perhaps if they personally donated a small portion of their personal fortunes or paid their fucking taxes properly we wouldn’t have to be subjected to a rendition of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ every time a zebra in the Serengeti has the sniffles’, barked local politician Walter Kasavubu.
‘If I was shitting myself to death in a shack in Kinshasa and was told that Sinead O’Connor and Bastille were singing to keep me alive I’d refuse the vaccine and write DNR on my front door with my own faeces’, he added.