Tyrone man wearing skinny jeans found badly beaten

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A young Tyrone farmer was found badly beaten after it emerged he purchased a pair of skinny jeans, according to reports.

Garth Carter was set upon by a gang of up to eight people after he returned from a shopping trip to ‘the big smoke’, during which he purchased jeans which were not regulation boot-cut.

Garth’s battered body was stumbled upon by dog-walkers who immediately rang an ambulance.

The 24-year-old is recovering in the Royal Victoria Hospital where his condition is said to be ‘Wile bad, hi’.

‘I hear them townie weemen like a fella in a pair of those skinny numbers. So, I thought I’d get meself a pair for the dancing that night’, explained Garth.

‘But when I arrived back in Tyrone I was approached by a group of lads with GAA shirts on and they asked to see inside the bag, hi’.

‘When they saw the ‘super skinny’ label on the jeans I took a whack across the teeth with a hurley stick’.

‘Then they set upon me like a pack of wolves. I could hear them shouting, ‘how the fuck are they gonna roll down over your boots?, he sobbed.

A local gang, calling themselves ‘Culchies Upholding Normal Traditions’ or ‘C.U.N.T.S’, have claimed responsibility for the attack.

‘Garth knows the dress code: check shirt, boot-cut jeans and brown square-toed loafters’, said a spokesperson for the group.

‘It’s imperative we uphold the Culchie way of life. If we let one Ginny-ann prance about here in skinny jeans, the next thing you know lads won’t be driving the back roads from the age of 12 or listening to Happy Hardcore in their tractors’.

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