‘That’s it! I’m ringing Santa’, threatens local mother

Desperate mothers across Northern Ireland are making bogus phone calls to an imaginary man in a bid to control their unruly brats, according to reports.

Throughout the year, naughty children are subjected to countless empty threats by parents which have zero impact upon their awful behaviour.

But as Christmas fast approaches, mums are resorting to the ultimate scare tactic by threatening to phone Santa Claus himself.

Nikki Fibber, from Dundonald, struggled to control her three children this morning as she prepared to do the school run.

However, as soon she announced she was making a phone call to the North Pole, the little bastards became ‘angels in disguise’.

She recalls, ‘My four year old daughter was point blank refusing to take off her pyjamas’.

‘So I whipped out my iPhone and I asked her, ‘Do you want me to phone Santa?’. Within seconds she stripping like Gypsy Rosie Lee’.

‘If I’d known it was so effective, I’d have started threatening them with this in the summer’.

Tanya Teller from Tullycarnet told us when her own children misbehave, she cups her hands around her mouth and shouts at the sky ‘Santa, do you see this?’.

‘They completely shite themselves and immediately stop what they’re doing’, she cackled.

‘Sometimes I mix it up and tell them they’re going to wake up on Christmas morning to a bag of ashes’.

‘We’ve an electric fire, so I’m not sure they even know what a bag of ashes is but it shuts the wee fuckers up anyway’.

Sally Squib keeps her offspring under control by constantly reminding them that ‘Santa’s watchin ya know?’.

She explained, ‘I was trying to watch Jezza Kyle in peace when the twins kept asking for a drink of juice. So I told them, ‘Santa’s watching ya know’ and they left me alone until the ad break’.

Her son, Ben (3), is becoming increasingly concerned about the number of entities watching his every move.

He told us: ‘It’s not bad enough I’ve got Jesus and God watching me 24hrs a day, now Santa too?

‘Have these fuckers nothing better to do with their time? No wonder the world’s ravaged by war and famine if God spends his entire day watching whether or not I finish my dinner or put my toys away’.

Now a fully grown man and minister of the church, Davy Green recalls his parents using the same threats when he was a young child.

‘It wasn’t just Santa I got threatened with. It was numerous other imaginary entities such as the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy as well. Thank God I don’t believe in those anymore’, he said.


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