‘It’s winter nai alrite’ confirms local woman

A Dundonald woman has declared it ‘officially winter’ after watching her husband pour a kettle of hot water over his frozen windscreen.

Jacqueline Frost (30), from Enler Park, stood at the front door in her pink dressing gown this morning and watched while her husband, Marty, attempted to thaw his icey windshield.

‘It’s winter nai alrite’, said Jacqueline with conviction.

‘That’s definitely the cowlest morning yet, so it is. My Marty’s windscreen was frozen sa-lid’.

‘That’ll be the snow on its way nai. Wait til ye see’, she predicted.

In preparation for the onslaught of winter, Jacqueline began to make the necessary preparations.

‘I think I’ll stick a big pat of stew on the night’, she said.

‘I’ll get everyone new jammies outta ASDA the day. Then we’ll stick a Chris’mus movie on with the heatin’ blastin’, she beamed.

Her husband Marty was less enthused about the sudden cold snap though.

He said, ‘It’s alright for her, sat on her hole all day playing Christmas music on VH1’.

‘But I’ve to drive to work and those Craigantlet Hills will be like the fuckin’ winter Olympics soon’.

Meanwhile, there were raucous celebrations in Ollies last, after Northern Ireland’s weather men finally got a forecast right at the 10,000th attempt.

‘Told ye it’d be ball-freezin this morning’, whispered a painfully hungover Frank Mitchell at his desk in Havelock House.


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