Translink to bring back the No8 service

Translink have announced that they’re bringing back the No.8 Ballybeen Estate bus due to overwhelming public demand. 

The move comes after community representatives stormed Translink HQ and ‘had a wee word’ with bosses about restoring the much cherished service.

‘We can confirm that the No.8 bus will return to active service, just as soon as we find someone mental enough to drive it’, said a Translink spokesperson.

The news was greeted with cheers as a crowd of locals had gathered outside Translink’s Head Office on East Bridge Street.

‘Ach we’re over the moon so we are’, beamed 82-yr-old Ethel Tattler from Drumadoon Drive.

‘Thon Glider was a full ballix. What would an aul doll like me need Hi-Fi for anyways? Sure I don’t even have a FaceTube account’.

‘To be honest, I’m looking forward to having a wee feg on the buses again’.

‘It must be 25 years since I’ve sparked a Superking Menthol while sat beside a young mother and her 3-year-old chile’, recalled Ethel.

Local man ‘Dopey’ Dave McBride is looking forward to showing his teenage son how to hitch a ride by stowing away inside the bus’s boot.

‘Our Nathan’s never experienced the joy of running down Culross Drive after the No.8 and sneaking a lift down the road inside its boot’.

‘That’s how I got this’, said Dave whilst pointing at a nine inch scar running down the left-hand-side of his face.

Meanwhile 77-year-old Cecil Greener cannot wait to clear the phlegm in his chest by spitting it all over the floor at the back of the bus.

‘That’s why kids these days are constantly sick. They’re not exposed to enough germs’, spluttered Cecil while gobbing a lump of mucus onto the backboard of the seat in front.

Following the news, there have also been calls to reinstate the No.188 school bus which used to depart from the old Ballybeen Square.

Retired driver Alex Dennis, 64, had the enviable duty of transporting a carriage full of unruly spotty little bastards to Grosvenor High School every morning for the better part of a decade.

When Mr Dennis was informed about the news at his home in Gilnahirk, a tear of pride fell from his eye that wasn’t permanently damaged by laser pens.

The retired bus driver then recounted some of the harrowing journeys he made through the suburbs of East Belfast two decades ago.

He said, ‘I remember the day I was told I’d be driving the 188 bus. My hands trembled as I looked at that route which started in Ballybeen Square’.

He continued, ‘I then had to navigate my way past Tullycarnet and then onto the Braniel. It was almost as if someone hand-picked the most mental places in East Belfast for a laugh’.

‘Stop after stop, hordes of these acne-riddled boys with curtain haircuts got on. They were putting all sorts of body fluids onto crumpled up pages and throwing them at each other’.

‘A combination of bad breath and body heat meant that the windows were steamed up to the point I was literally driving blind through housing estates’.

‘Being stabbed in neck with a compass or struck full force in the temple with a rubber was pretty distracting too’.

‘Occasionally, someone would draw a large spunking penis on the window. I could just about see through the outline and managed to get to the Castlereagh Road where I’d unload the fuckers’.

Despite the horrible experiences, Alex considers himself one of the lucky ones. He told us, ‘At least I got the morning shift when most of them were still half asleep or hungover. My mate Dessie got the 3.20pm slot. He couldn’t live with what he’d witnessed and threw himself under his own bus four years ago’.

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