Britain First chase Dracula out of Ballymena

A video began circulating on social media yesterday which appeared to show heroic members of Britain First chasing a ghastly ghoul out of a small County Antrim town.

Brave leader Paul Golding and three associates confronted the blood-sucking fiend in the street about its residential status or whether the creature was in receipt of any benefits.

But before they could extract an answer from the shapeshifting demon, it morphed into a large bat then rose into the skies above with the Britain First posse in hot pursuit.

‘I’m gonna drive this steak into his heart’, yelled Golding into the camera while holding a blood-dripping Filet Mignon aloft.

Golding said that he and his organisation were invited to the town by local residents who have been terrorised by the evil Nosferatu.

‘Fangs but no fangs, ‘County’ chops, time to f**k off back home’, he added.

One local woman welcomed the fact that Britain First had visited the town after bearing witness to some antisocial behaviour from the migrant community.

‘I was walking my dog the other day when this big Romanian woman wearing a Kappa tracksuit and a headscarf just dropped her bags and took a big shite in the park. That there carryon’s stinking, so it is’.

Another local, Sam Stoker, claims he wasn’t aware of the vampire’s presence in the town but wouldn’t object as long as it behaved itself.

‘He can drink my blood but if he touches my pint I’ll knock his ballix in’, said Sam.

Enjoy the article? Come and see the writer of the DLA’s stage comedy in Belfast’s Waterfront Hall, running until Sat Oct 6th. To book tickets visit…/all-events/three-s-a-shroud/ or phone 02890334455.


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