A local man has taken his kids to a soft-play area in order to spend some quality time with his smartphone, it has emerged.
Sonny Ericson (36), who works long hours during the week, has become increasingly concerned that he might be neglecting his phone.
The father-of-three explained:
“I feel so guilty. I spend so much time working and running after the kids my phone barely gets a look in these days”.
“It’s my first weekend off in six weeks. So I thought I’d take Jake, Sophie and eh, the other one, to this new idiot-proofed industrial unit called Happy World”.
“The coffee’s decent; it has free Wifi; oh, and the kids will fuck off and leave me alone for two hours”.
“Daddy, can I have a drink?’, ‘Daddy, I need the toilet’, ‘Daddy, I can’t eat that I’m allergic’ – they’re so bloody demanding”.
“But taking them to a soft-play area means I can do the things which really matter”.
“Like have a row in the comments section of a Facebook post about a Genderbread Person or sharing graphic sexual videos in a WhatsApp group”.
Sonny’s son Jake (8), is hoping this bonding session with the phone will ease his father’s suffering.
“It’s hard to watch him in so much pain. I know how much he cares about that phone”.
“I have to say ‘Dad’ five times before he’ll lift his head but if he hears an SMS alert he’s bounding over armchairs like Colin Jackson to find it”.