Michelle O’Neill taking a break from taking a break after leg break

Sinn Fein Northern Ireland leader Michelle O’Neill is taking a break from taking a break after breaking her leg, her party has confirmed.

‘Michelle O’Neill is going off on the sick ’til her leg’s better’, said a party spokesman in a brief statement.

O’Neill, who’s already enjoyed over 500 days off on full pay, immediately informed Stormont she’d be off for another six months.

‘Looking forward to sittin’ on my hole, binging on Jezza Kyle and Judge Rinder’, beamed O’Neill while scratching her broken leg with a knitting needle.

The circumstances surrounding the nature of the leg break remain a closely guarded secret at Sinn Fein HQ.  Although we can definitely rule out it being an accident at work.

Fresh rumours circulating this morning suggest it was the result of a punishment beating at the behest of Gerry Adams after O’Neill failed her GCSE Irish Oral exam, again.

A row broke out yesterday between MLAs who were asked to sign her cast but couldn’t agree if their get well messages should be written in Gaelic, Ulster Scots or English.

The former Stormont Health Minister has also called upon her party to stop pursuing the reunification of Ireland whilst she gets her leg mended for free on the NHS.

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