Forget Brexit, RHI and dissidents – a row about whether we should say ‘Housecoat’ or ‘Dressing Gown’ has been described as Northern Ireland’s biggest political crisis yet by Leo Varadkar.
The Irish Prime Minister believes that unless Unionists and Nationalists can agree on the proper name for the loose fitting robe, it could spell a return to violence in Northern Ireland.
Speaking to RTE, Varadkar said:
‘Unless a compromise is reached on the ‘House Coat – Dressing Gown’ issue, then the ‘RA and the UDA will be knocking the shite out of each other before we know it’.
‘Why can’t the Nordie bastards just agree and call it a robe for flip sake?’
Traditionally, the garment in question was worn before getting dressed in the mornings and after getting undressed in the evenings.
But nowadays it’s worn by those who spend unusually long periods at home doing fuck all.
And if you go near Connswater Shopping Centre around 12 noon on a Tuesday, you’ll see lots of women wearing them whilst buying their groceries.
Unionist MLAs wanted the piece of clothing to be called a ‘Dressing Gown’.
Meanwhile, Sinn Fein were adamant the garment should be referred to as a ‘Housecoat’.
‘I don’t wear one myself. My house is roasting with the wood pellets burning day and night’, explained DUP leader Arlene Foster.
‘But as far as I’m aware the correct term for the robe is ‘Dressing Gown’. You wouldn’t call slippers bloody ‘House Shoes’, now would you?’, she added.
Sinn Fein leader Michelle O’Neill couldn’t disagree more with her counterpart’s opinion.
‘Listen til all the snobs calling it a ‘Dressing Gown’. It’s bloody shackin’, she snapped
‘Next they’ll be callin’ shite roll ‘toilet paper’, fegs ‘cigarettes’ or gravy rings ‘doughnuts’.
‘The only doughnuts up this neck of the woods are done in a stolen Vauxhall Astra outside Divis Flats’, she added.